I’m a less ordinary girl, living a less ordinary life. I have less ordinary face and less ordinary appearance, compared to other girl, who are cute, gorgeous and attractive. I have less ordinary intelligent compared to other people, who are top scorer, highly intelligent. I have less ordinary work compared to other people who have adventurous, challenging work, and not to forget, I have less ordinary skills, which something that I can’t proudly reveal to other. To make it short, I have less ordinary of everything, since my middle name is less-ordinary-of-everything.
People who read this might think, I have some problem with my self-esteem.
Yup, that’s true.
I have a very lowwwwww self-esteem.
Being with great people make you feel very little of yourself. Being friend with great people make you feel you’re useless. Being rounded with people with superior genes make you feel you are so-so. Being with people who are constantly in the center of attention make you feel you are just a crap on the sidewalk.That’s what I’m going through, since my schooldays in Science Muar, in Matriculation, in university, and in working life.
People might think I’m not a grateful person. No, I’m grateful with what i have, I feel content with my life. I realised that other people might lead more difficult life, worst than mine. But sometimes, I can’t avoid it. I can’t avoid to be someone who have low self-esteem. Even though i attends tons of motivation class and activities, and sometimes I’m one of the facilitator who must have confidence and ability to attract people, but deep inside me, there’s always a voice that reminding me how worst I’m, and constantly remind me that I’m not that good.
Some people will use that voice as a motivation, to do better in their life, but I’m not that strong enough to fight the evil in myself. As the result, I’m hurting my self-esteem. Like today, something had happen, and actually it hurt my self-esteem, making it fall to the lowest. I try to fight it, but I lost, and I’m losing to myself again. I’m become angry to myself again. And the worst thing is, I feel I’m alone in this world, and no one seems to care about me. No one even bother. Everytime it happen, I feel like I already lost to others. I feel that I’m not that good, I’m not that clever and I’m not that cute. That’s why I always reminding myself, I’m a less ordinary girl, who lives a less ordinary life. Ordinary people won’t bother about me, leave alone the extra-ordinary one.